Getting your way can sometimes take a little bit of strategy.  Strategy that often means not doing what you FEEL like in the moment, but rather being mindful of what you do, how you do it and when you do it.  Here are some ideas to get you going…

BE CALM.  We all have the knee jerk reaction when someone makes us angry to blow up back at them. But if you let a little time pass, so will the anger and by staying calm and kind you are much more effective in getting your way. He who gets mad first loses.

WRITE YOUR THOUGHTS. Or at least think them out fully before communicating.  If you think about what you are going to say, you can think out the arguements that back each point up as well.  The result?  A well thought out conversation that you have more control over.

TIMING – remember that few things need IMMEDIATE resolution.  Don’t argue in the heat of the moment. When someone disagrees with you, it’s very tempting to respond immediately and vehemently to everything they say with a counter argument. But these sorts of exchanges just make people dig their heels in. There is truth to the saying: timing IS everything…

LET THE OTHER PARTY HAVE THE LAST WORD –  This can be particularly effective over written communication. If you leave the conversation hanging on their last argument, you give them time to doubt themselves and wonder if they’ve gone too far, which can lead them to back down.

SAY NICE THINGS – Often people just need to hear that you think they’re smart or know they’re coming from a good place. If you can convey that you love their ideas in general and have great respect for their opinion, but that you just have a slightly different opinion on this particular issue (and you still think they are an awesome person), they might be more amenable to seeing things your way.

REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY #1-  If someone doesn’t trust your judgement, one good way to change their mind is to ask FOR THEIR OPINION – something unrelated to the disagreement, if possible. You will immediately be boosted in their esteem because you asked for their opinion, and since most of us think highly of our own opinion, they will think you very wise for seeing their counsel – and that maybe your idea isn’t so dumb after all.

REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY #2 – Get them to think it was their idea. An effective way to get someone to see things your way is to get them to think it’s actually their way. And one of the most effective tools for making this happen is patience. Sometimes the way to change minds if soft repetition, not loud insistence. Repeat something softly and often enough and people will often adopt that idea – and believe they came up with it themselves.

BRING TREATS –  It’s a little harder to get angry at someone or disagree when you’re eating the doughnuts they bought you. Also, one study suggests that we feel warmer towards others when holding a warm beverage.

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