You Are The Average of the Five People You Spend The Most Time With

It turns out that my grandmother was right.  She used to say something like, “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.”  It was usually met with my eye rolls because it sounded so judgmental and I simply didn’t understand the depth of what that truly meant.

I’ve also heard the saying from Jim Rohn that says, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

Now that’s an interesting concept, isn’t it?  And depending on our closest network of friends, that may be just a tad bit frightening. Who are your friends? Who do you spend the most time? Now… think about being average of those friends.

How does that make you feel?

The Influence of Our Support System

Your support system is paramount. If you’ve headed down a path where you want to meet a few goals, achieving that success will be much easier when you are surrounded by the right people. There’s a pretty decent amount of research that shows having friends is important to our mental well-being but you also need the right type of friendships.


Some friendship is formed by happenstance. Other friendship is formed early in our life and we stay connected with those friends. But what doesn’t stay the same is life, specifically our life and our goals. They change as we evolve and grow. It can often be a stark realization that the friends we grew to know and trust may not understand our new path or journey. If you’ve ever gone to a high school reunion, you probably understand just how true that rings. That realization doesn’t have to stop you from being friends but spending a lot of time with people who don’t get excited about your success doesn’t do you any favors in the long run.

Your environment molds who you are and can also shape who you become. But we have control over that and we also have control over the choices that we make. We can choose to place ourselves in environments that are positive. We can choose to surround ourselves with people who are on a similar journey.

How Do Your Friends Make You Feel?


When you are with them, are you invigorated and do you feel inspired? Or, do they suck the life right out of you and turn every positive emotion into something negative?

Our friends provide us with a certain comfort level. It can be a calming feeling having like-minded people around us. Unfortunately, that degree of security doesn’t do much to push us to expand our horizons. It doesn’t do much to challenge our thoughts. It doesn’t help us stretch our comfort zone.

If everyone in your network has the same opinion, what do you learn? If everyone in your network is afraid to dip a toe in unfamiliar waters because they cling tightly to their comfort zone, how likely are they to push you to break your self-imposed barriers?

The people you spend the most time with should:

  • Make you a better person
  • Support you
  • Push you to meet your goals
  • Inspire you
  • Help you transform and evolve

Five Traits Your Friends Should Have

It’s not likely that one friend will have all five traits.  Ideally, you’ll need to look for these traits individually.

Dreamers: Sometimes dreamers can be seen as unrealistic or undisciplined but they can also be insightful visionaries. They think of things that others do not. Dreamers can bring spark to your life. They help you imagine “what if.” You feel life’s vitality when you are around them. Dreamers have a strong tendency to be highly creative and they make you believe that everything is possible.

Drivers: The driver brings the dream to reality. They understand the big picture but have the talent to break it down into steps and action points. They are results-oriented and can do a lot in a short amount of time. They are usually decisive, direct, and pragmatic. They know how to carry out a plan. They thrive on the thrill of the challenge. Drivers are practical folks who focus on getting results.

Motivators: This is your voice of inspiration. They keep pushing you to meet your goals. They help you understand that goals are met more frequently when they are tied to a “higher purpose.” This person infuses you with energy and enthusiasm.


Supporters: This is the true friend. This is the person with whom you can let your guard down. It’s your comfort zone. It’s your safe haven. Just remember that you still have to stretch but comfort is not all that bad at times. This person will be there as you journey through life and they will journey with you. They are excited when you realize success and support you in time of need.

The Devil’s Advocate: This person is the critical thinker. They ask questions and lots of them. They see problems before they arise. This person is crucial because you need their perspective. They won’t sugarcoat it. They’re blunt but try to look out for you. They are often the voice of reason and you may not always like what they have to say.

Be persistent with surrounding yourself with those who bring out the best in you. Be relentless in having a network who constantly challenges you as much as you challenge yourself.

Remarkable people beget remarkable people. Success begets success.



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